Stand Your Ground And Bear Your Teeth When You Must.

There are only so many hours in a day, and only so many times the humans will open the door for me to go outside before I have to start barking orders at them to do so.  Sometimes I wonder if they realize the importance of properly protecting the house and yard.  What if a squirrel or a rabbit or a turkey infiltrates the property? Clearly they are trying to take over!  There was a whole flock of those feathered thugs outside the other day, there had to be at least 7, and I was forced to sit inside on my bench, unable to do anything about the takeover.  But I made enough noise and threats from my perch to make them think twice.  Sure enough they turned around and retreated with their tails between their legs.

The absolute worst are the loud silver birds that don't even flap their wings.  I think the humans call them planes?  In any case, I'm positive they wish to land and make their nests here.  But this is my territory- I've already peed on everything to claim it as my own, and do it again everyday.  If they think they can mess with me, they better watch out because I WILL take my nice collar off to sink my teeth into their shiny thieving backsides.  However they seem to be a bit more active in the summer so I will keep it classy while my humans and I aren't being threatened.  You can't let anyone walk all over you though, be it man or beast.  Stand your ground and bear your teeth when you must.

<3 Sassy

Don't Rain On My Parade... Or My Coat

Oh look, that's me! My god, my coat looks magnificent.  

So, humans, as I have started this project on a whim, I've decided to start off with some daily wonderment of my life.  If you have requests of topics for me to cover, I would gladly entertain my adoring public (especially if treats and pettings are involved as payment).  Should you need any advice on how to be as fierce and awesome as I am, I'd be happy to impart my knowledge.

I, however, have a question for all of you out there.  Why does my human insist on trying to get me to go outside when WATER IS FALLING FROM THE SKY?! Do these people not understand what that does to my fur?! Not to mention the fact that I would get mud all over my paws.  Am I the only dog who feels this way?  I mean, who in their right mind decides "Oh yes, I'd love to run about in 30 degrees of freezing rain so I can be wet and cold and smell funny afterwards!" Honestly, I do not have to go to the bathroom that badly.  I don't think I'll EVER have to go that badly.  And if you force me out, I will just scratch down your door until you let me back in to shake the rain all over you.  Enjoy that one.

Beautiful, Majestic, and a Sassy Bitch

As I was licking myself on the couch yesterday, I had an epiphany: I should write a f***ing blog.

                I wonder how many dogs think that daily, noses buried in their groins.  But I, Sassafras Wassmus-Brown, will be the first to act upon it! I’m a pioneer for all canine-kind! I am beautiful and majestic and a Sassy Bitch.

                Unfortunately for you all, I have no phalanges or thumbs.  But not to fear! My faithful human has offered herself as my scribe.  She’s a good human.  I should get her more treats… I’ll find something in the trash for her later.  I believe she likes tissues.  Anywho, I will begin updating regularly once I’ve finished designing the site.  So, sit. Stay. Wait for more.

              

  Ciao! Sassy